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Friday, August 7, 1998.

It was 7:32 PM when I received the call.

Ricky had just committed suicide after coming down from a cocaine high. 

The relative of Billy Graham who visited my brother in the hospital was correct. There was not one thing in the apartment except for the refrigerator he used to hang himself. He had lost everything in his quest for the "next high."

I hung up, shocked. The phone was still in my hand so I scrolled through “Caller ID” – a new feature on our home phone. A few hours earlier, Ricky had tried to call his “little brother,” who was not home to take the call.

Where was Clarence Ogbody, the Guardian Angel from the Christmas classic movie, "It’s a Wonderful Life," this time? Remember, Clarence rescued George Bailey from committing suicide in the movie. Why didn't Clarence show up to stop Ricky from committing suicide?

We were planting our fourth church at the time and the leaders of the church did not want me to leave until after church on Sunday morning because we were in the midst of a building campaign and "you are the linchpin here." Sometimes in sports you play hurt. Sometimes pastors have to preach hurt. That was the hardest sermon I ever had to preach. My family and I left for North Carolina right after the morning service.

I met Ricky's wife for the first time when I spoke at his funeral. Words cannot describe the deep sadness I still have about losing my best friend and oldest brother the way we did.

A few years ago I received a call from a young man who identified himself as my nephew. He did not remember his father at all, and he wanted to talk with someone who knew his father, Richard Dean, well. His mother suggested he track me down because Richard had always been close with his “little brother.”

He would like to visit us if that would be all right.

When I went to pick up John from the airport, I wondered what to expect. When the younger of the identical twins stepped into the car for the first time, it was just like looking at Ricky all over again. John, now 24, has a vibrant relationship with the Lord. It was extremely healing to him and me to share some of the stories of his father with him. We laughed and we cried. He asked some tough questions, which I tried to answer honestly. His twin, Chris, is not ready to discuss what he calls “The Richard Issue.”

My children were upset with me for not telling them they had such a cool, good-looking, fun cousin. Honestly, I did not know if John or Chris wanted anything to do with Richard’s family after what he did to them. John and I still talk regularly.

Chris and I will talk. Someday, whenever he is ready.

May God help me help him get over his disappointment.

We forget sometimes how our disappointments have a ripple effect on those closest to us. When we do not handle life’s challenges correctly, we can throw our family and friends into the same downward spiral we are experiencing. Especially our children.

Remember, dear friend, children typically feel twice the pain that we do as adults, but they have half of the tools with which to deal with their hurts.

While Ricky is responsible for his own decisions, permeating our discussions were the 3-D Dilemmas we all face at some point in our lives:

God, do You care?

God, are You there? Why are You silent?

God, why did You allow this to happen?

Want to know how to handle disappointments from a biblical perspective? Check out this book you can get for less than the cost of a cup of coffee!

Rejoicing, On the Victory Side!

Beau

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