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This is a guest blog from my high school friend in New Hampshire, Bruce Graham.

Over the years, I've been personally aware with several suicides (suicide being defined as 'intentional self-inflicted death') as well as accidental self-inflicted deaths.

When my friend Barry died of what was eventually called 'accidental self-inflicted' gunshot to the forehead, I started being actively extremely sad. This sadness lasted for many months, and I was reduced to tears at every recollection of him. His death became the primary focus in my life; he and I were boys together, went to church together and worked together at several farms and helped each other in many ways. Many would say we were best friends.

During the time following his death, I was never suicidal; I never wanted to end my life, but there was so much talk about suicide that I had difficulty not thinking about it. The Creator provided me with knowledge of this, and there were TV shows I stopped watching and certain music I could not listen to because they fostered dark thoughts. I also had the presence of mind to realize that, when my father said "Don't let it get you down", he was telling me that he loved me and wanted to help, but had no idea HOW to help.

It was my boss at the time who told me that Barry had died; Mom had called her and told her the news. It was later the same boss that realized something was amiss and arranged for me to get some professional help, which led to me being officially diagnosed with depression.

About depression: there are different reasons, different causes for depression. Sometimes it's caused by circumstances, like the tragic death of a loved one. Sometimes it's caused by sin and the lack or willingness to repent. Sometimes, as is my situation, it's genetic, and is caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain. Grammy was generous to me in her genetic will; she left me all her depression, and she did so while she was still alive!

Now a bit about what depression does, how it manifests itself: depression reduces the focus of those it afflicts. Depression makes the focus so small that the only thing the person sees is the worst thing in his/her life. It does not allow a focus large enough to see the love of friends and family, it doesn't allow into view the concern of those around them. Depression makes the sufferer feel so inconsequential that they're not even worth helping, so they don't ask; they say, "I don't want to be a burden on anyone." Too frequently, the person suffering with depression is able to hide their depression. Often, the depressive doesn't know they are depressed, all they know is; life sucks right now.

If the individual follows the Christ, it frequently follows that they are not good enough, their walk with the Creator is lacking, and they feel powerless to change. When people talk about 'feeling the Holy Spirit', or 'feeling the presence of the Lord', they feel lacking, because they do NOT feel the presence of the Lord. Prayer, Scripture reading, more prayer, being involved in a ministry or ministries helps to mask the symptoms, but they are still present. The individual lacks the faith to realize the forgiveness brought about by the death and resurrection of the Son of God, and it torments them. They know the redemption of the Christ, but nothing they do for God brings them to the place where they 'feel the Spirit', and they doubt even more, they think they need to be doing more for God, that their 'contribution' to the Kingdom of God is inadequate. That inadequacy becomes their primary focus, the only thing they can see.

Too frequently, we fail to recognize depression in others. Many people suffer depression behind a mask; when asked, they respond by smiling and saying, "Fine, thanks! How are you?"

An elder in the church once asked me how I was doing, and was unprepared for my answer. I told him I was really having a difficult time dealing with the death of my friend. He responded by saying, "I Hope things get better for you!" and walking away without knowing, or recognizing the potential seriousness of my situation.

The most helpful and most encouraging thing said to me during that time was, "You are exactly where the Lord needs you to be! He is shaping you to be conformed to His image!"

It wasn't until much later that I realized that I WAS being shaped; my friend Mark told his psychiatrist that I was the only reason he was still alive - were it not for my help, he'd have killed himself long since.

My friend Roy called me on the telephone once and asked me if I was busy. I responded by telling him I had things I could be doing, then asked what he was thinking.

"Can you come take my guns away from me?"

"I'll be right there!"

Because I'd suffered from depression, I recognized it, knew what it was and was able to help. My depression was and is the shaping of the Almighty. Being able to see and recognize this is one of the most difficult things, especially given the decreased 'focus' previously mentioned!

Another serious reality is the stigma attached to mental illness, which includes depression; it's seen as a personality weakness, a personal deficiency. Society admires personal strength, and that includes strength of character. We are sucked into that admiration to the point where we don't want to admit our weaknesses. We see them as character deficiencies - or we're afraid others will see them as such. Pride sometimes keeps us from mentioning our needs, and sometimes, that pride is fatal.

Suicide is not always preventable because of the mask worn by those suffering from depression. Sometimes a suicide attempt is a cry for help, but sometimes the cry for help results in death because of a miscalculation, and I can cite two situations from people close to me where this was the case.

Prayer and repentance, 'seeking His face' so to speak, are definitely tools for battling depression. St. John's Wort sometimes helps, but sometimes an antidepressant medication is what's necessary. If an antidepressant medication is necessary, it should be accompanied by continued prayer and repentance, as well as seeking His face.

If the antidepressant medication is necessary, what often happens is: the sufferer feels good after a few months and decides they don't really NEED the medication, they're not really depressed after all. They self-diagnose as cured and stop taking the medication. Sometimes the medication is only needed in order to get the sufferer 'over the hump', help them through a difficult time. Sometimes, it is necessary for the rest of their lives.

Being shaped by the Creator for His purposes is rarely pleasant. He cuts away pieces of you, pounds you into shape, sticks His fingers into you, pinches and pulls you in a way that only He knows to be beneficial to you. Being shaped by the Creator is a painful process - however, it is SO necessary to our lives and well-being, so essential to our relationship with Him, so essential to being increasingly obedient to Him.

Surviving the shaping; being able to realize that there is a 'Light at the end of the tunnel' (note the capital 'L'); being able to see a Diving purpose in the depression is one of the most difficult things - however, being more and more conformed to the image of the Christ is one of the results, and it is most rewarding!

These are my thoughts and experiences. I hope you can use them to be helpful. As with anything I write, I'd appreciate it if I maintain copying rights to it. Feel free to use it, but I'd like to maintain the copyright. Thanks,

Take care, Brother!

B

If you are interested in writing a Guest Blog, please send it to me!

Rejoicing, On the Victory Side!

Beau

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