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Have you ever had imaginary conversations with invisible people while you are at a stoplight who has devasted you or your family?

After I had finished telling these people, who had hurt my family or me deeply, exactly what I thought about their part in my disappointment in my mind, my thoughts would turn to the Lord.

“Why, Lord, why? You knew this was going to happen. I prayed and asked for Your direction. I thought I was doing what You wanted, now look how everything has turned out! Look at the disappointments – You could do something, Lord. Why aren’t you getting involved? Why are You so silent? Why can’t I see that at least You are here and interested? God, don’t You care? Since you are righteous, why aren’t you righting the wrong that was done to me?”

God knew what had happened to me. In the final analysis, I thought He was responsible for it, since He is in control of every event in the universe. “For by him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things were created by him and for him. He is before all things, and in him all things hold together.” (Colossians 1:16-17, NIV) So He has to understand why I am so deeply disappointed, since He is the One who held it together. But the truth is, I rationalized my behavior and excused my attitudes as justified.

In fact, I began to have harsh thoughts toward God even though my job was representing Him to people every week. Perhaps you have never been that disappointed in life, but I was. I asked my mentor, Dave, “Why is it that I have to take the blame for everything bad and God gets the credit for everything good? What a system! God can do something about it, and He chooses to sit idly by and watch it happen, doing nothing. He can remain totally silent, not responding to any of my prayers. God lets other people get away with things – even blesses them while I am devastated here. Are the batteries dead in my prayer shooter or something? I thought as a believer my “Ever-ready batteries” never ran out. Am I supposed to just say, “Oh well, it was all for the best,” when I don’t really believe that it was all for the best? I feel just like I heard Elisabeth Elliot say once, “Lord, if you treat your friends this way, no wonder you have so few!” Dave, I honestly think I got a raw deal here.”

But mercifully, God spoke to me through Dave’s words that day. At first, I was upset; I felt that as much as I love my mentor, he did not understand the dynamics of the entire situation. He was not present when everything happened. Dave did not give in, give up or apologize for what he said. It was a pivotal time for me. God had put me on the cusp of a defining moment. Would I submit to the reality of God’s message to me through Dave, or would I continue to live in disappointment going through the motions of loving the Lord, serving Him, speaking for Him? I had often heard it said that the only thing worse than a bitter old man is a bitter young man. Which was it going to be?

Overcoming the deep sense of disappointment was the hardest thing I had ever been asked to do. What I am writing now is much easier said than done. The need to fight disappointment is easy to understand, and God has given us the power within for a full, satisfying life to become a reality.

“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.” (John 10:10, NIV)

“Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called when you made your good confession in the presence of many witnesses.” (1 Timothy 6:12, NIV)

Deciding to turn from my disappointment (what the Bible calls “repentance”) and turn to embrace faith was the most difficult exercise God had ever asked me to do, but it was also the greatest blessing I have ever experienced.

Fighting for faith against disappointment was the most freeing event of my life.

Rejoicing, On the Victory Side!

Beau

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